Fizzle

if i know the reasons why i do things, and also that those reasons are absolutely ridiculous, why do I continue to do them? I mean, logically it just doesn't make any sense. Like, why do I date the guys that I have dated? Every time I break up with someone and move on to someone new, the new person is "perfect" because he doesn't have any of the flaws that the last guy had. Like saying the guy I just broke up with was unconfident and immature, the next guy I date will be super confident and totally know where they are in life with a great job and stuff. So do I really like the person because I like them, or just because the appeal that they don't have the flaws of the last guy? Then later down the road I find that despite the original attraction, this guy has little flaws that I can't deal with, and find a new guy that doesn't have them. Strangely enough I have never broken up with anyone for the same reasons as any other guy, so at least I know what I don't like, and can pick it out. But yet I still pick guys based on them not having flaws that every other guy had even though I know this method doesn't work. It doesn't make sense for me to do that in any way what-so-ever. Instead of figuring out what I actually like in a guy, and meeting someone new based off of the fact that I actually like them and not the fact that they don't have the flaws of the last guy. And that's just one example. Like I've known for at least a year and a half that I don't want to work at bby for the rest of my life and that i'm totally miserable there, and i know all of the reasons why i'm miserable there and that there's nothing I can do about it. So knowing that nothing is going to change and that I don't even want to be there, I continue to work there. The only thing I even like about the place are my friends, and the fact that i know my job inside and out so it's not difficult. It wasn't until my manager basically said that I'm probably going to lose my job in 30 days that I decided I'm going to leave. I thought about leaving tons of times, but never actually had the guts to do it. I don't know if it's just because of habit, or because I hate change, or what. But Even though I know what I eventually want to do, and that leaving would be a really great change in my life I stay there. I know the reason why I'm so unhappy is because of my job and yet I don't change it unless forced to. It just doesn't make sense that the reason behind what I do are completely illogical and ridiculous and even though I'm aware of that fact I won't change what I'm doing. Some cases are a little different though. Like one day I'll figure out how ridiculous it is that I'm doing the same thing over and over for reasons that make no sense, and I will actually change whatever it is that I am doing. Like I'll have a group of friends for a really long time, and love them. But the same thing happens with them that happens with the guys I date: I'll either realize the flaws in them that I hate, or something will happen that will make me lose respect for them. And even though I realize what I don't like about these people, and that I don't like being around them any longer, I'll still hang out with them despite how miserable I am when I'm around them. Eventually I stop hanging out with these people, and am totally happy that I stopped hanging out with them. But for some reason I will occasionally think "omg, i miss them" and randomly hang out with them one night, the entire time being miserable and wondering what I was thinking in hanging out with them. So even though I've changed and gotten away from the people/things that made me miserable I still go back to them knowing that nothing will have changed. So really, is it that I don't want to change, or that I expect everything else to change? Perhaps it's that I don't want to change and because I am happy just being I expect everyone/thing else to be the same way and it's not. Everything changes, and even though I accept that it is still hard truly change myself. I don't know, now I'm rambling and trying to back up my craziness with reasons that just don't make sense. Then again the whole thing is crazy, I mean not changing things for illogical completely irrational reasons just doesn't make sense in any way what-so-ever.

now that i'm out of my parent's house i've had an awesome relationship with my parents, and get along great with them...But it's crazy how much my personality is affected by them...Like I have this ridiculous fear of disappointing people that I care about or respect. I'm not afraid of failure, I'm just afraid of other people finding out about the failure and what they may think...I was talking to my mom yesterday about some stuff, and she called me a chameleon, lol...She asked me when I'm going to start being me and stop being the people I hang out with...I know that I'm like that, and that's a big reason as to why I've done so many things in my life..And I'm really just looking to impress those people by being good at things they like. I wasn't always like that though, I used to be all super creative and think on my own. But when I really think about why I'm like that it's all because of my mom. Seeing my sister go through all the same crap I went through really makes me think about why I am the way I am. Growing up, everything I did was because of my mom, and the entire time I was doing those things most of the time I was disappointing her by not being the best. So instead I was just good at a lot of things, and even though I thought I was amazing at everything I did, it wasn't good enough for my mom. So over time I developed this irrational fear or not being amazing at what I do, and letting down the people that supposedly matter. Even with little things, like if someone criticizes me at work I FREAK OUT. But not because I think I'm doing a terrible job, but because someone else thinks I'm not doing something perfect. And basically everything to do, I make it a point to do it perfect, or I won't do it at all. It's kind of ridiculous really, lol...Like I'll be at a party, and someone will play a drinking game that I've never played before, and I won't play, just because I'm afraid of not being perfect. My favorite game ever was this one game we played, where no1 was allowed to know the rules, you had to figure them out as you played. I loved it, because I knew there was no way anyone could be better than me so I didn't have to worry about being perfect. I refused to ever play mario kart at a friend's house because I've never played it by myself before and was too afraid of not being amazing. I hate ordering delivery at work because I'm afraid I'll mess up the order somehow...But yet I'll try anything when I'm by myself. Who cares if I mess up if there's no1 around to let down? heh, that's really sad....

So....here's my dilemma...I haven't been happy at work in a very long time, I don't even remember what it's like to look forward to coming to work, and having pride in what I do...I hate coming to work, I hate everything about that place, aside from my friends that I've made there...This doesn't hold me back from trying my hardest every second that I'm there, it just makes things less enjoyable...Well, the past few months, my manager has been having major hissy fits over practically nothing every month. He keeps writing me up, telling me I'm not doing my job, not listening to a word I have to say, and freaking out about ridiculous things...I've been trying my absolute hardest to fix things in my department, and doing everything he asks of me. He's still convinced that I'm not doing my job at all, and not even trying...So he wrote me up again yesterday. This time was different though. He basically told me that he wants to get rid of me, and got approval from HR to get rid of me. He gave me an option to either step down out of my position, or take an additional 30 days to fix things, if they're not fixed I'll be fired. I've been thinking about quitting for a while, and now I think I'm going to have to...I told him I'd take the 30 days, but I know nothing's going to change. So now I have the wonderful task of finding a new job. I can't really stick with retail, since I'd have to work my way up from the bottom no matter where I go...I was thinking about going to cosmetology school and getting a degree. Makeup is really the only thing I could ever see myself doing as a career that involves school, lol...But I'd have to have a decent job that would pay my bills and get me through school...So I got to thinking, what about the casinos?? I mean my mom makes amazing money as a cocktail waitress, and it works great for her. Why couldn't I do it? I was thinking about maybe applying at the borgata..I think I could get in...But the problem is, my mom...I really don't think she'd be very happy about me working there...But I also don't think she'd want me to stay at a job where I'm unhappy...So, I think I'm going to talk to her tomorrow, and maybe get her on my side...The one good thing to leaving bby is that I would have to take all my money that i've been pouring into my stocks and whatnot out, which is almost 10k...So I could pay off my car, pay for school, and get my credit card paid off...Hey, I might even buy a couch while I'm at it, lol...I've been all super depressed and mopey over this the past 2 days...But maybe this is what I need, maybe I'll actually start thinking about my future now, outside of bby...I always thought I would just stay at bby, keep climbing the ladder, make my way into management, and be a happy little camper the rest of my life...But is that really what I want to do? Do I really want to deal with the stress of my job for the rest of my life? I really think this might be a good thing for me...I'm going to talk to my mom tomorrow, which should be very interesting...Especially considering my sis just told me mom's not happy with me right now, for god only knows what reason! ahhh well...hopefully it'll all turn out alright

I don't think I have ever been in this much pain before in my life, lol...I know I should probably be mad at Josh, but I'm not...It was an accident, and accidents happen all the time, I can't blame him, I mean at least we're still alive, and hey, I get 2 weeks off from work! I went out with a bunch of friends on friday for christina hawkin's 21st bday. Josh and I went to Applebee's with a few people beforehand with some people until her and a couple others got out of work. We had like 2 beers each, then we all went over to the tilton when christina, alysha, and heather got out of work. We were ordering pitchers, and I had 2 more beers, and stopped drinking like an hour before we left, and Josh had 2 or 3 more beers before we left. Everyone was coming back to my house, cuz it was late, we were out of money, and no1 was drunk yet, lol...Well I went with Josh, cuz my car was still at applebee's, and on the way home we got into an accident. I don't remember anything from the accident, I think I was in shock, all I remember is waking p in my bed in a lot of pain, trying to figure out what happened. Well apparently, there was a van that was at a complete stop on the black horse pike with its lights off, and we hit it then spun out of control and hit a pole. This was the outcome of that:


My neck and foot got pretty screwed up, I have a bunch of seat belt burns, and Josh has 3 broken ribs. I can't move my neck at all, and I have to go to another doctor today. Josh failed the breathalizer, so he's gonna lose his license, and he got 4 tickets, eich. Both of us refused to go to the hospitol that night, which I don't remember doing, but I wish someone had made me go. I ended up going the next day, I got a collar and a special shoe, and a bunch of pain killers and muscle relaxers, but I still feel like shit. My chiroprachter thinks I might have a herniated disk or two, so I have to go to a specialist today, and get some mri's done, yuck. Hopefully they'll give me some more meds too, cuz I just took my last one, at least they're good for 6-8 hours. I tried to hold off through the night so I would at least have a little in my while I'm stuck at the doctor's. I feel so bad, cuz it's the busiest time of the year at work, and I didn't even get any xmas shopping done besides the gift for my sister. And Josh feels really guilty, I wish he wouldn't. We're both still alive, and it really wasn't his fault that a van was parked int he middle of where we were driving, lol...It's been kind of nice though just laying around being taken care of by everyone. I don't even know what day it is anymore, cuz everytime I take my medicine I just pass out for like 5 hours, then get up, eat, and take my meds again, lol. I just hope Josh doesn't get too screwed over by all of this...Anyway, I need to write out a few bills before I go to sleep again, lol...I figured I'd just do an update real quick, so I remember all of this, lol...

have you ever walked past a guy's room and noticed a smell and thought "mmm boy"? It's so wierd how every guy's room smells the same way, and how much I love that smell lol...what the hell is that smell? I think someone should bottle it, I'd totally buy it, and smell it whenever I'm lonely, cuz I'm pathetic =)

and also....do girl rooms have a certain smell?? I guess I wouldn't notice it if they did, cuz I'm in one all the time, hehe

I hate all men...that's all

so, here's a wonderful entry from Joe's website:

"I think the last year and a half of my life, on a whole, was a complete waste of time. I don’t regret anything. However, if I could go back, I would change a lot of things. I think I still would have worked at WiiRED, but I wouldn’t have been as nice as I was about a lot of things. I know that it all happened for a reason. After it was all over, I knew that I deserved something better, and for once in my life, that something found me."

ok, so good for you for finding someone. I know you need someone to take care of you 24/7 and attend to every emotional breakdown that you have. So that's awesome, I'm happy you have someone..But talking shit like that about me? no fucking need for that..We agree that we're not going to talk shit about each other, especially considering how many mutual friends we have, and agree that we'll be friends since it ended on good terms... Awesome, I have no problems with that.. so why write something like this? hey wait a second, isn't this the same exact thing he did with me about his last gf? that's right! it is! I always thought something was wrong about the entire situation with him and his ex...I somehow never believed all the stories he told me about her, about how he has a restraining order against her, or how she stalks him, and all that other shit... And now I have proof that it was all a lie. I gaurantee that the same thing happened with her, they broke up and were still friends afterwards, until he met me, then everything changed. He didn't want contact with her anymore because he didn't want me to feel threatened by her. Little did he know that having a "crazy ex-gf" is more threatening than being friends with ur ex... But whatever, i guess he's just trying to fit in with the rest of the men around here and just be a total fucking asshole about something that has no meaning at all...i guess being a man and telling me straight up that he no longer wants to be friends with me because he met a girl is just too noble of a way to do it. It's much better to act like you're 12, delete me from ur friends, block me on aim, and write shit about me online (yes i may sound like a hypocrite, but the only ppl able to read this are nancy laren and james, lol).... GAH, I'm NOT happy right now

So, this may come as a shock to everyone, including myself....Joe and I split up a few weeks ago...I figured I would tell people what happened before any wierd rumors get around, lol...Nothing bad, it was just better that we ended things before we got too far into it, or before things ended on a bad note...We're still amazing friends, and I love him bunches, but it's better this way...It was a little tough, especially since I was living with him, and my parents had completely torn apart my room...So I was basically homeless for like 2 weeks, lol...I ended up getting an apartment with a friend from work at Hamilton Green...He is going through a divorce with his wife and also needed a roommate, so it was convenient =)...So yeah, now I'm 5min away from work, and that's awesome...I love living on my own, I've never done it before but I'm absolutely loving it, and I'm completely broke, lol...We don't really have much as far as furniture, but it's super nice, and you should all stop by if you get a chance...I miss hanging out with everyone =/...Oh yeah, and I'm getting a kitten tomorrow, I can't wait!!! She's only 2 months old, and she's black with some white patches....Mandi got stuck with a kitten that her friend decided she didn't want, so now I'm getting it! I'm so excited, I got so used to being around Joe's cats 24/7, I miss them so much...I don't know what I'm going to name her yet, I guess I'll figure it out when I get her....But yeah, that's what I've been up to, and you should all come visit me, cuz I miss you all =)

So, NJ is officially now "smoke-free", not really sure how I feel about that. I'm definitely really happy that I quit, cuz I would be extremely pissed about it, lol. But I don't know how I feel about the fact that they're excluding casinos from it. I know that if I still smoked, I'd end up going to casinos even though I would never normally go to one just so that I could be in a normal atmosphere and still be able to smoke. So I don't think it's going to be all too fair for regular bars and restaurants, who are most likely going to be losing a lot of business due to that reason. But at the same time I think it's going to force a lot of people to quit, which is always a good thing. I can't tell you how many times I used to go to denny's or the diner and smoke almost a pack just sitting there. If I couldn't smoke at denny's, I probably wouldn't have even gone. Most of the time it was just an excuse, b/c I couldn't smoke at home. Even though I totally support it, I think that the casinos should be included in it, and I do feel bad for smokers, but hopefully it will lead to more people quitting =).

so, this month is always crazy, i'll never understand it. I just realized something amazing though =)...This month = 1 year with Joe!!! We had our dates all confused, especially since we both thought easter was in april last year and it wasn't...So I decided to look through lj, and it is 1 year this month! So, that's amazing =)...

This friday is when my g-mom's birthday should have been, and that really sucks. I do admin on friday, and I'm sure I'm not going to be very happy....

They're announcing the what jobs best buy is eliminating sometime this week, so that has all of us pretty nervous. It's pretty annoying that none os us have any idea of who's going to not have a job after this week. If anything happens to my job, I'm going to apply at wawa as a manager. There's no way I'll stay at best buy if they eliminate my title, since I know it'll end up with me doing the same job except with less pay and no bonus =/

I have a lot of paperwork due this week at work, and I just don't feel like doing anything...

Easter is this month, and I can't wait to decorate eggs =)

SO, my Voltaire cds just arrived =) Voltaire was doing this special thing with his cd's, he was selling them for like $10 each, signed, and you could ask him to make it out to you. So OF COURSE I bought 2 cd's, and asked him to sign them "to Ralfina". I finally got them today. I asked for 2 cd's in particular because I already have his last one that came out, but he messed up and sent me one that I asked for, and the one I already have =/...It's ok though because he signed both of them, and they both say "For Ralfina". And he sent me a Voltaire sticker, and some other cool little things with the cd's. I think that's really cool that he takes the time to do all this stuff himself. I mean keeping up with his own myspace account, sending out signed cds to his fans, that kind of stuff is really cool. He could just as easily say "fuck it" and have someone else do all that stuff for him, or not care about his fans at all. Damn Franklin, getting me obsessed with Voltaire, lol...

My health kick is going pretty good so far. I've been eating pretty good, I haven't been to the gym in about a week or so b/c I've been sick, but I'm going to start going back in a few days. I can't wait to get this damn weight off so I can feel better.

Work's going ok, other than the fact that I had a full timer quit a few days ago, and I'm down a senior. The company's new initiative this year is "going back to basics". Oh imagine that, we need to go back to basics instead of learning business acumen? hmm, who would've thought, lol. It's rough being short a senior, b/c I'm the only other person that can do Admin on wed and saturday plus I have my sup meeting on thursday. So there's 3 days that I have to wake up really early, plus I still have to close too. So my schedule is a little hectic right now. Like today I work 3:30-prolly around 11:30, and then tomorrow I work 7am-3:30...So I'm going to be a little tired tomorrow. I tried to wake up early today, so I'll be tired when I go to bed tonight, but it probably won't work. By the time i get home, I have to eat dinner, sit on the comp, and watch tv, so I end up going to bed at like 2 or 3, and then I have to wake up at like 5:30...ehh whatever...

It's nice out, and that makes me happy =)

So I got home from work last night sick as fuck, took some nyquil and went to bed. Woke up absolutely horrible. I couldn't even walk straight. But I figured I'd try to go to work anyways. It felt like it took an hour to get to work. My throat was swollen, my ears were killing me, and to make things better my shoulder was out of place. So I get there, walk in the sdr to put my jacket away, corky looks at me and goes "well, you look miserable". So I whisper to him and Danielle how sick I am, and Corky tells me to go home and come back at like 6:00 to close, or call and ask danielle to close if I can't make it in. So I go home, put my pj's back on, and crawl back into bed. When I woke up I felt even worse =(. There was no way in fuck that I could go into work. Joe happened to wake up not long after I did, wondering why I'm not at work. He was absolutely amazing, and took care of me all day. I'm pretty sure I had some ridiculous requests, but he got them all for me =) We just loaded up on the medicine, since there was no doctors open today, and I slept a lot. But now it's 5:45, and I'm wide awake since I slept all day. I still feel like shit, but at least I think I can work tomorrow. I feel really bad for not working today, it's officially my first day calling out in my entire 4 years of working there. It's wierd, I haven't been sick in a really long time, when I used to get sick it would be for like a week. But when I was sick last week I was over it in less then 2 days, and now I'm sick again, and I feel like the same thing is going to happen again. Thank goodness I have Joe to take care of me =)

so yeah, i come back from my amazing vacation, and get to go back to work yaaaay =) And what do I find out? One of the dumbass little girls that went to wiired was from some reason asking for me at best buy? This completely blows my mind, considering the circumstances of how we met. Joe and I went to wiired to play guild wars, and she was there, and for whatever reason, she decides to come up and introduce herself to me. Ok, now there's a few problems with this, she's 16, joe didn't introduce her to me so she's obviosly not important, and even more importantly she has pictures of herself in close to nothing all over myspace. I'm sorry, I don't associate with little kids that have no respect for themselves. I didn't want to cause any unneeded drama in the middle of wiired, so i "played nice", but apparently it's like a sin to not like her? So I obviously am now wondering why the hell some little girl that knows i don't have any need to talk to her is asking for me at my place of employment. I could've easily had Joe call people and ask questions and find out what was up, or I could've done it myself, but what's the sense in creating drama? I learned the hard way not to talk about people behind their backs, it only starts more shit. So I went to the source. Yanno it's really not hard to find the screen name of someone who posts the kind of pictures she posts, basically every guy in south jersey has it. So I sent her an im and explained to her that I'm 20y/o, soon to be engaged, getting ready to start buying a house, and definitely mentally way older than my age. I explained to her that it's really not wise for her to come to my place of employment and seek me out for whatever reason. All I wanted to know was wtf she wanted. But she wants to know why i "hate" her, and why joe"cant talk to her" in front of me, and all this other bs. But apparently that's why she came to best buy, to ask me why i "hate" her. lol...OK, first of all, you have to know someone to be able to hate them, and just from looking at her myspace I know that I don't want to know her. Almost all of my friends are between like 20-35, and I babysit little 16-18y/o's all day at my job. Why would I want to be friends with someone that's 16? I wasn't friends with people in high school when I was IN high school, let alone now that I'm out, lol...I really just think that the entire situation is funny =) But apparently she's too young to understand any of this, so instead of thinking about what I said to her, she posts our conversation in a myspace bulletin and calls me a bitch in it =) oh noes, her 250 myspace friends is going to see that I was the bigger person and tried to explain that I don't hate her it's just that I don't have time to talk to a 16y/o whore that's obsessed with herself. I'm sure she'll enjoy it when some pedofile looking at those pictures tries to rape her.

Moral of the story: Little kids don't realize that a 4 year age difference means A LOT when it's 16 and 20.
20y/o handling a problem: goes right to the source
16y/o: posts a myspace bulletin and cries that the big kid doesn't like her

i feel like such an old lady. i can't wait to get a house, and get married, and have dinner parties, and all that other good stuff.

You Are A:

Chaotic Evil Half-Elf Thief Ranger
Follower Of Mask

Alignment:
Chaotic Evil characters are the most 'evil' people out there. They are willing to do anything to get ahead, and will kill anyone who stands in their way. A chaotic evil person sees no value in order and governments, and believes to the utmost in the tenant that 'Might Makes Right'.

Race:
Half-Elves are a cross between a human and an elf. They are smaller, like their elven ancestors, but have a much shorter lifespan. They are sometimes looked down upon as half-breeds, but this is rare. They have both the curious drive of humans and the patience of elves.

Primary Class:
Thieves are the most roguish of the classes. They are sneaky and nimble-fingered, and have skills with traps and locks. While not all use these skills for burglary, that is a common occupation of this class.

Secondary Class:
Rangers are the defenders of nature and the elements. They are in tune with the Earth, and work to keep it safe and healthy.

Deity:
Mask is the Neutral Evil god of rogues, thieves. He is also known as the Lord of Shadows. He appears as a lithe man, shadowed, wearing dark clothing. His followers believe in stealth and wariness. They wear black and gray clothing, and carry weapons and armor similar to that of a thief. They frequently wear masks to conceal their identity. Mask's symbol is a dark, checkered mask.

Detailed Results:

Alignment:
Lawful Good ----- (0)
Neutral Good ---- (-1)
Chaotic Good ---- X (1)
Lawful Neutral -- (-3)
True Neutral ---- (-1)
Chaotic Neutral - XX (2)
Lawful Evil ----- X (1)
Neutral Evil ---- XXX (3)
Chaotic Evil ---- XXXX (4)

Race:
Human ---- (-1)
Half-Elf - XXXXXXXXX (9)
Elf ------ XXXX (4)
Halfling - X (1)
Dwarf ---- (-3)
Half-Orc - X (1)
Gnome ---- XX (2)

Class:
Fighter - (-2)
Ranger -- XXX (3)
Paladin - (-8)
Cleric -- (-5)
Mage ---- XX (2)
Druid --- (0)
Thief --- XXXXXXXXX (9)
Bard ---- XX (2)
Monk ---- (-3)

Husband + me = snowboarding for the next 3 days =) I'm so excited, I haven't gone snowboarding in like 2 years. We're going to Jackfrost =) Hopefully it will be a nice change to my week. I swear everything that could've gone wrong this week went wrong, but then again, that's how my life usually goes =)...

I had to go to this meeting at my district office with Kellie on Wednesday. I was pretty excited about it, I never get to spend time with Kellie. I wasn't excited about the fact that I had to get up at 6:30am, or the fact that my district office is in willowgrove, pa. So, I got about 1 hour of sleep that night, and then we started our trip. We stopped at the dunkin doughnuts in chews landing, but I didn't get anything, I wasn't feeling very good from not sleeping. And then at the last rest stop before we got on the nj turnpike, I started puking =). YES, I caught that damn stomach virus that was going around. So about every half hour or so, Kellie had the pleasure of pulling over so I could puke, along with that, I also lost my cell phone on the side of the road one of those time =). Oh, AND we totally went the wrong way, and ended up in Delaware, showed up an hour late to the meeting =). Other than that, the meeting was great, and I didn't puke at all on the way back.

To make my week even better, my mom shows up at BBY on thursday night to tell me that she's dropping me off her insurance, why? Because my parents got into 2 accidents this year, so their insurance went up, and they realized that dropping me will save them a bunch of money. So now I get to find REALLY expensive insurance that I can't afford at all, yaaaaay. I'm not even starting that until I get back from our trip.

So, I bought a cell phone on Saturday, it's sooo nice. It's the new motorola v325. So that's one plus to things. I lost my old phone which I didn't lke and didn't work properly, and got a new phone that I absolutely love! Granted I had to pay 160 for it, but it's still really nice. I could've had my phone replaced through the insurance, but I didn't feel like waiting, plus I had to drive to the new Vineland store on Saturday. I really didn't feel like getting lost without a cell phone, heh. The new store is soooo small!! They only have 4 registers, and 2 CS drawers. Grand total of 11 registers, haha. It's a Ray store, so they have nifty things, like the bby card, with rz built into it. And they have all of the signs in spanish and english, they have a crapload of translators. Only problem is, they never trained their closing operations coordinator to close!!!! I volunteered to help them close on saturday after working my 11:30-8 shift at my store. I ended up leaving my store at about 7:30, got there at like 8:15. I had no idea that the girl who was closing didn't know what she was doing. So I ended up there until almost 1am!!!! It was craziness. I don't mind, b/c now I have friends at another store, which is always good to do, and it was a completely new experience for me. I've never been to a store's GO before. It was pretty cool.

Anyways, I have more packing to do before we leave, so I suppose I'll go do that =)

Yesterday was absolutely amazing, husband and I went to the winter ren faire! =) I haven't been to a ren faire in foreverrrrrrr, and I've never been to the winter one. We knew it was going to snow, but we went anyways. Voltaire was playing at it, and I've been planning on going to this for months. There was tons of shopping, tarot reading, plays, singing, bellydancing, AND I got to meet Voltaire!!!! OMG, he was so nice =) He took a picture with me, it was funny though, cuz he's like super tall, and im 5 foot nothing, lol...There was a lot of pretty funny looking people there, so we spent a majority of our time just making fun of everyone, especially this one girl that looked like a crack whore...Voltaire's show was amazing, he's so funny, and such as asshole, and makes fun of EVERYONE....Kind of like what me and the husband do =). And there was this guy on before Voltaire, I can't remember his name, but he was HILARIOUS. He sang songs like, "one semester lesbian", and made fun of star wars, and stuff...It was great. So the ride there wasn't so bad, it took us like an hour, but the ride home!!! OMG, it was snowing SO bad, it took us about 3 hours to get home! It's ok though, it was well worth it...

So I was off today, which was really wierd cuz I didn't have much to do since Joe is at the gxl...It's all good though, I did some "me stuff" which was pretty cool...I don't really ever do that, cuz I'm lazy as hell, lol...I got up really late, and got dressed in my new outfit that I got from Delia's...That made me happy, cuz I LOVE new clothes...I went to coldstone creamery, cuz I'm addicted...I keep getting the birthday cake remix, can I just tell you, I can't believe no1 has ever made cake batter ice cream before, cuz it's absolutely amazing...I stopped in at that 5 & Below store next to it, I've never been in there...It's a pretty cool shop...It'll definitely come in handy for quick + easy little xmas presents...I thought it was gonna be like a regular dollar store, but they actually had pretty nifty stuff in there...I went to Best Buy to stop in and say hi...When I was leaving I stopped to talk to dickie b and pete, complained to pete about how much I miss Joe, when 2x4 walked up...I haven't seen him in FOREVER...He was just killing time before he went to go watch the doom movie with his friend...So I went back in to bby and shopped around with him for a bit...Just caught up on what's happened since the last time I saw him...The first thing he asked me was "aren't you married or something now?" So a good majority of the convo was about me and Joe, and how Tom is going to marry us, lol...He got a kick out of that one...But he's doing well...Amazingly enough, he graduated from Stockton and actually got a decent job...Who does that? I guess fat people, lol...After that I went to Borders...I saw Jackie, and apparently it was her first day working at there....I can't believe they hired her..I guess Borders is doing the same holiday hiring strategy as best buy is (quantity not quality), lol...I spent quite a bit of time in there, I wasn't really looking for anything in particular, but I managed to find something that I HAD to get, and it was the last one there, so my trip to Borders was definitely well worth it...I went to the mall after that...Oddly enough, on a Saturday night I somehow didn't bump into anyone that I knew, so that made me really happy...I hate seeing people that I know, especially when I'm by myself cuz it's like obvious that I don't have anything better to do other then chill at the mall by myself, lol...I was on a mission to find amazing wrapping paper for Joe's bday, so first stop was Carlton cards...I don't think I've ever actually been in there before, but I don't think I'll ever be going back in there again, they didn't have crap, I couldn't even find the card section for "bday for amazing bf" and that pissed me off, so I left...Went and got some money, and had Chickfila mmmm...Then I went back to wandering, I didn't stop in Delia's cuz I didn't feel like spending too much money today, but I looked in some other shops....Went down to Hallmark, and was just browsing around a bit, when the husband called...oh man, that was defnitely the best part of my day...I miss him so much, it's driving me insane...So I talked to him the whole time I was shopping in Hallmark, then we hung up for a few minutes so I could pay for my stuff...I signed up for the Hallmark card and the cashier forgot that I never paid for my stuff, so I reminded her, cuz she was like 17, and I'd feel bad if she got fired, lol...So I called the husband back, and we talked some more before he went back inside...I was ready to go home after that, but first I wanted to see if the pet store was open yet...It wasn't, but it's almost ready...It looks SO awesome, I can't wait for it to actually open, I love that place...I can't wait to move out and have pets of my own...I'm so happy Joe likes snakes, cuz I've always wanted one....

It's late, but I'm not really tired, I didn't do much to tire myself out today, lol...It's ok though, cuz I don't really have to do much tomorrow either...I have to go to a holiday meeting for work tomorrow at Jillian's in the Franklin Mills Mall, but that won't really be too bad...I've never gone to a big meeting before so I don't really know what to expect...I'm sure it will be a ton of fun, and I'll prolly get some free stuff, but other than that, I have no idea what we're going to be doing...The only meeting I've really gone to was just for mobile, this one is for EVERYONE (all managers, and sups)...So I don't really know what's going on...I'm going up with Kellie and Pete though, so it should be a good time...I think we're leaving pretty early so we can hang out at the mall for a bit, that should be fun...I haven't hung out with them in a while...I can't wait till tomorrow night though...When I get home from the meeting I get to see the husband!!!! I love sunday nights, we always get to cuddle up and watch adult swim, it's definitely my favorite night of the week..It'll be so nice to lay in his arms again, it feels like it's been forever, even though it's only like 2 days, lol....I think it's worse cuz he's furthur away...I mean I've gone a bit without seeing him, or only seeing him for like 5min...But he's always right down the street if I need him, now I don't even know how to get to where he's at =(...It's all good though, he's all mine tomorrow *grin*

sometimes I feel like there's no way this can be real...How can anything possibly be this good? But it is...I'm more happy than I've ever been in my entire life, and I know that this feeling isn't ever going to fade...I'm just in complete amazement that I have finally found someone as incredible as Joe....I mean seriously, he makes me smile, makes me feel special and loved, I feel totally comfortable with him, I mean like I can tell him anything and know that he won't judge me for it....I miss him after being away from him for like an hour, seriously what is up with that...lol...I love the fact that we don't see eachother every moment of every day...He's definitely a major part of my life right now, but he's not consuming my life, which is awesome....Sometimes I just can't believe this is real...What did I do to deserve someone as wonderful as him?

so, today went alright...work is definitely a little stressful right now, but that's ok, it'll be better in a few weeks...Once Pete is trained, and I'm trained on Admin, and everything starts to settle down we'll all be fine...The whole storming, forming, norming, performing thing has always been true whenever we get a new addtiton to our leadership staff, but I really feel the storming process won't be that bad...I think pete will be really easy to get along with, and it helps that I've worked with him in the building for quite some time now...It just sucks for now, since Kellie and I are working like non-stop, 50 hours a week...gaah...And we have no backing from half of our management staff, it's so ridiculous...Even my own manager is pretty useless when it comes to certain things...I mean I had to basically do the entire schedule for my department today, and it was such simple changes I made...Like, hey, who's going to cover breaks? Let's change someone's hours a little bit...But oh well...Denis said that he's supposedly going to have me fully ready for a promotion within the next 6 months...I'm definitely going to hold him to that, cuz I really need to get out of this place...I love 581, but I need a change...I've been in this position with these people for too long...

So, I'm officially happier right now than I have been in a REALLY long time...I have a bf and I'm happy about it, wow...=D...Joe makes me so ridiculously happy, I can't even describe it....Everything's just perfect, and feels so right...I'm so happy that it's official now, it was really kind of bugging me out, cuz I wanted it so bad, I just really wanted to make sure that it was real...I didn't think a person like him could exist, ever....But he does, and he's mine, I can't believe how lucky I am...